Freedonia by Boat

Picturesque meant - he decided after careful observation of the scenery that inspired Twoflower to use the word - that the landscape was horribly precipitous. Quaint, when used to describe the occasional village through which they passed, meant fever-ridden and tumbledown. Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant 'idiot'. - Terry Pratchett, "The Colour of Magic"

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After finishing the marking of the Great Circle Route on the morning of 7 September 2011,  nosefish decided it was time to try out his work. Join him on his heroic voyage, as he navigates treacherous waters, weathers rain, snow, and storms, and battles the evil creatures of the night (and, in one case, a not-all-that-evil creature of the day).

Chapter One: To Samess Cove

The journey begins.

11:13
It is a beautiful day in Freedonia and my trusty old boat is merrily bobbing up and down in the waves at my pier at the Temple Of Supreme Fishiness. I am getting ready for the ultimate adventure: a voyage around all of central Freedonia, with a detour to Port Dhal and the Isle of Muu. This will certainly be a dangerous journey, but I have all the equipment an aspiring adventurer needs: sword, armour, tools, food, and some material to repair damage to the buoys, should I find some. Watching my step on the slippery pier, I go on board.

11:14
I am going clockwise, so I keep the green and white buoys to port. On starboard, I get a quick glance of the pilgrim's path to the temple as I paddle past. May the Fishy Gods be with me.

11:18
A narrow bridge lies ahead, but the way is blocked!

I draw my diamond sword and quickly dispatch the villain.

11:19
Behind the bridge, the branch to Sigma Castle is planned, but not yet marked, so I continue towards Glenfiddich.

11:21
After two minutes of smooth sailing, I reach a canal. These are never safe in a fragile boat, but it is getting dark now, so this will be a challenge. I tighten the grip around my wooden paddle and carefully make my way in. In my concentration, I am almost oblivious the strange noises from behind, but when I notice them I immediately turn around and see...

...a skeletal spider jockey (slightly lagging behind his mount) and his eight-legged minions following me! All alone, I will not stand a chance against these monsters. I canoe as hard as I can, blazing through the narrow canal, across a lake, through another canal into the sea, and do not stop until I reach ...

...the junction to Samess Cove. Samess Cove! The name of the ancient pirate haven sounds of safety and comfort for an old seafarer. I carefully make my way through the pitch-black night along the illuminated line of white buoys.

11:27
The spiders keep watching me from the land, but they know that they are no match for my speedy boat, so they stay away.

11:29
A storm is brewing. The rain creeps under my diamond armour and I am cold, sweaty, and exhausted when I arrive at Samess Cove. I pull my boat ashore and take a room. Safety and rest at last!

Chapter Two: Wonders of Nazca

Bad weather, nice views.

The next morning I rise early. The storm is howling and the downpour immediately drenches me again as I step out the door. I decide to keep sightseeing to a minimum and continue my voyage to reach more civilized parts.

11:32
The great statues of  lacrosse1991 and  healthyuncle watch over the village.

11:33
In the distance, the Giant Cake floats in the sky, strictly adhering to the laws of minecraftian physics. I board my little craft and begin my battle against the thunderstorm.

11:37
Back on the Great Circle, spectacular landscapes meet the eye. I can hardly relish the sight, as I fight against the wind and bail the water out of the bilge with my bucket. Again, I hear strange noises; but this time, it is only the delirious screaming of the intoxicated Minemart owner  healthyuncle being carried to my ears by the storm.

11:40
Back to civilization. This part of it brandishes the worst place name ever: Cuntopolis. It was, of course, founded by the person with the worst name ever,  ThunderCunt2000. I quickly pass this hole of disrepute.

11:41
The landmark of the burning letters tells me that I am getting close to my next destination, Nazca. The white buoys to starboard lead back to HellFireForge. I will not go there this time.

11:42
The storm is weakening at last and the sun disappears under the horizon.

I pull up to the docks of the Empire Hotel. In the distance, the tall look-out dwarfs everything around it.

11:43
In the hotel, I quickly change into dry clothes. Then I go off to explore the site.

11:44
I pass the beautiful train station and climb the look-out.

11:50
The view is absolutely stunning. The spider jockey has sent his minions again, but up here above the clouds I am safe.

11:51
The first rays of sunlight fall on the statue of  lacrosse1991. For me, this means that it is time to leave and continue my travels.

Chapter Three: Milk and Cookie

Narrow canals and megalomania.

11:54
The way leads through a series of canals and tunnels only 3 metres wide. The rules about griefing and the landscape itself prohibited anything more spacious in this place. Slowly and carefully I navigate the hazardous passage.

On the other side, I am greeted by a cobblestone monstrosity with lava flowing from the top.

This is the place where the branch to the Dam joins the Great Circle. I decide to have a look.

11:58
The Dam bears the mark of its maker, the famed  ampqre. A ladder leads up the cliff from the pier. Hikers might want to climb it and take the skyway to Hippywood, past the Temple Of Supreme Fishiness and the ship Santana. Me, I am not partial to wasting my time on land, or even skyways. Feet are for standing on the planks of ships. Land breaks ships, and I avoid it. So I turn around and continue on the main route.

12:06
It is night when I reach the junction, and the sinister building presents itself in all its glory. It bears a strange flag which is said to distantly resemble that of a country named "Chile" in another dimension, where things are said not to be made up of handy cubes, but of tiny weird things its inhabitants call "atoms", which are said to have a form which they are said to have named "round" — but all that mad talk of those self-proclaimed "scientists" means nothing to me.

12:08
The signs at this junction tell me that the branch leads to a Giant Cookie, a glass of milk, and an "Enderman". I like cookies and milk, but what is this "Enderman"? I must have a look.

12:12
That sure is a big glass of milk. But what is that black thing in the distance?

12:13
I climb the hill, and there it is, the Giant Cookie. I would love to go and have a bite, but the sign tells me not to and that black figure looks scary. I had better return to my boat.

12:14
A wonderful surprise: my old friend  samoroth appears. As an obsidian level donor, he has other means of travel available, but he would like to join me for a while anyway. Quickly, we set up a workbench and craft a boat for him.

12:17
Together we make the passage back to the Great Circle.

12:22
Alas,  samoroth is no sailor. He quickly tires of the narrow winding canals we have to pass and decides to leave for Ocean City by teleport. It will take a long time before I will be able to lay my eyes on that beauty of the seas myself.

Chapter Four: The Colour of Shypixel

Navigating the orange and white route.

I feel a bit lonely without  samoroth on the dark sea, but I have to press on.

12:30
A school of squid to starboard! Their ink will soon be mine.

12:30
RtkweIsland looks impressive, but since it is inaccessible from the water, I will never know what lies beyond those walls.

12:33
The lighthouse looks inviting, but i know from experience that TwinTowers is a dangerous place, especially at nighttime.

12:36
I have passed another canal, and suddenly it has become day, without dawn. This must be the Fishy Gods' doing. As I pray in awe, an impressive tower comes into view, but it looks abandoned. Who might have built it and what has become of the owner?

12:37
I have reached the junction with the orange and white route, which I will follow from now on.

It leads to places with mysterious names.

12:40
Soon I find myself in the wilderness, without any man-made structure in sight, save for the brightly coloured buoys.

12:41
Clay on the coast!

This voyage has suddenly become quite profitable. More than two stacks of clay weigh down my boat.

12:44
Passing a vast desert. So much sand and no water! Only The Fishy Gods know why these abominations exist — I will not set my foot in one.

12:46
A huge cobble thing blocks most of the lake. Why is it here? I must be nearing Emucraft, a city with inhabitants whose alien culture puzzles even me.

12:48
The cuboids of Emucraft mar the horizon. I dare not go any closer.

12:48
These are queer lands. A tall green statue watches me pass by.

12:51
Finally, a building that looks more familiar. It must be one of  GodlyCheeze's temples that I have read about. Can I trust the place? It is dark and I am tired, but after what I have seen in these lands, I decide to continue straight on to Port Dhal, which I know is safe.

12:53
Caravelle Zero and the Yellow Bouncer! I row into Port Dhal as quickly as I can and stay the rest of the night at the Pirates Inn.

Chapter Five: Spoilt Fish and Muu

Awesome statues in a cold land

12:55
Port Dhal in the morning is a beautiful sight. But my stomach does not feel quite right. I do not care, I am strong.

12:56
Leaving the port, the Yellow Bouncer stares at me menacingly. I feel sick. Maybe the fish I had at the Pirates Inn was not as fresh as it looked. My boat stops moving. The world stops moving.

13:02
Have I died? Usually, when that happens, I just respawn in my bed at home. This time it is different. All I see is a brown wall with unintelligible writing. Apart from that, there is nothing. Time itself is standing still. Have the Fishy Gods finally smitten me in one of Their more random moods? Where am I? Will I ever see the beauty of Freedonia again?

13:09
I have regained consciousness. Must have been the fish after all. Caravelle Zero is still there, majestic, forever stuck in the ice, despite her full sails.

13:10
Weak and confused, I carry on. Another green thing stares at me. I have to get away from this place.

13:11
 GodlyCheeze's temple again. It sure looks inviting. But I have had enough adventure for today. I continue my voyage, and with the buoys to starboard showing the way, I slowly regain my confidence.

13:12
I come across another example of the peculiar housing style of the natives. A door leads straight into the cliff, but it is clearly not a mine as we know it, since there is a kind of balcony. On a sheer cliff. It boggles the mind.

13:13
I witness a beautiful sunset as I pass under an elevated railway. Things start to look less grim.

13:14
The glow of one of the lava pillars that mark the border of the famous Isle of Muu cuts through the darkness. I have visited it before, by rail in a shaky minecart, because it was not accessible from my home in a comfortable boat until recently. But that was a long time ago, and I still have a fond memory of the place. Except for the minecart ride. That was awful and I — no, I will not tell you about that, it is too embarrassing.

I would like to see the island again and I turn to port, towards the blazing pillar.

13:15
I fasten my boat close to the pillar and carefully set my foot on the ice. It is thick and holds my weight.

13:16
I am closing in on the island proper. But at this time of night, it is not without risk to set foot on it. I see zombies lurching through the dark. I spend the night at a strange place littered with illuminated cobble blocks on the ice. It is cold, but reasonably safe.

13:23
Morning at last. My feet are so cold. I should have packed some warm leather boots. Yet as I see the amazing statues far away, I forget all about my discomfort.

It starts to snow. I will go to the red thing in the sky, in the hope that it will provide some shelter.

13:19
As I get closer, the well-known statue of  AgentMuu, the owner of the land, comes into view. I look for a way into the red thing, and I find a lift sign. In the blink of an eye I am inside.

13:26
What I see completely overwhelms me.

I find another lift sign that takes me to the top.

On the horizon I can make out yet another statue of  lacrosse1991. It looks as if he is playing a strange game unknown in Freedonia, involving a long stick with an unusual thing at the end and a thing similar to the one I am standing on, for the form of which I do not have a word.

13:29
I would love to stay and explore further, but a long journey still lies ahead of me. I walk back to my boat across the slippery plane of ice.

13:32
I am back on the water. To make it easier for other travelers to find the way to the wondrous Isle of Muu, I attach signs to one of the buoys. After that, I begin to retrace my way along the orange and white boat route.

Chapter Six: The Builder

A night at RigCity

13:34
Those red eyes again. Won't they ever give up?

13:40
The Great Circle route at last. Glenfiddich lies on my way, so I turn to port.

13:45
Should I go to the carnival? I could use some fun after all that I have been through. Alas, there is no time.

13:47
Weird structures line the waterway.

13:50
Passing Gotham City.

13:51
The platforms of RigCity have been growing fast recently. The waters below are dark and filled with monsters. Unlit cobble structures at the water line pose a threat to boats. As the sun sets, I make for the narrow passage that is navigable.

13:53
One of the inhabitants approaches me with his sword drawn. He does not seem to trust me. I greet him and ask him if I could stay for the night.

13:58
 Enjoku is one of the builders of this place. He tells me that he is working on a Spleef arena and invites me to have a look at his work. He also agrees on constructing a harbour and proper bridges to turn RigCity from a life-threatening hazard into a safe haven for us seafarers. I quickly move one of the buoys out of the way to make space for his expansion plans and take a photo of  Enjoku in a more friendly pose, then I ascend the pylon to the spleef arena.

From up here, the place looks much less menacing.
At the first light of dawn, I take my leave of  Enjoku and continue my voyage west.

Chapter Seven: Around Glenfiddich

Relics of a golden age

14:05
I have reached familiar waters again. Beyond those cliffs and mountains, the magnificent city of Glenfiddich awaits.

14:08
Below lies my second home, the submerged dome of Glen Team base. Glenfiddich Harbour is straight ahead.

14:10
Many ships are anchored here, and have been for a long time, it seems. The piers and buildings have grown wildly around them, and now they are trapped within.

The lighthouse and the Long Ship of Glen. It reminds me of the sad fact that the golden age of seafaring is long past. Once the pride of the fleet, the vessel with the red and white sails is merely a sight for tourists to visit nowadays, a depressing fate that it shares with countless other ships around Freedonia.

One last look back before I head out into the open water.

14:12
The Temple of the Oracle is being constructed by  mrsprinkly right outside the city walls. It has not been opened to the public yet.

14:17
A stronghold guards the passage between towering cliffs. I know these waters well and rounding the sparsely populated peninsula that stretches to the north-west of Glenfiddich provides no difficulties, even at night.

14:18
 blake7777777 is the builder of this landmark tower north of Glenfiddich and the adjoining brick mansion. A small village is forming around it.

14:20
A last glimpse of civilization: the windmill of the Island House mining camp vanishes in the darkness as the moon is setting. This has been a refreshingly uneventful night. The skeleton lord and his servants probably do not dare to attack me so close to the well-protected city. But I must not let my guard down. Soon I will be in the wilderness again.

Chapter Eight: Frozen World

Freezing my ass off for your entertainment

14:22
I must negotiate another narrow tunnel leading into a high cliff. An icy draught makes me shiver.

14:24
The lands beyond have been frozen in one of the mighty  ToneDial's little accidents. A wide canal leads through the ice. In these areas of magic winter, ice and snow do not return once removed.

14:26
I have passed under a long bridge spanning some open water and reached another ice canal. This time it is much more narrow. The chill has intensified. This ice is natural and the canal is held open only by the feeble flames of the torches lining it.

14:17
Open water again, but not for long. Great people have left their marks in this inhospitable wilderness. Tayron's BioDomes are ahead, but I turn to port, making for the next ice canal.

14:28
This one leads through the territory of the terrible  ToneDial. I progress in silence and hope that he is not near. The spider jockey and his army pale in comparison to the wrath that he casually unleashes on passers-by.

14:30
The sea bed under the cobble structure has been altered by forces beyond my imagination. The water is so deep that should you dare to dive all the way down, you will never make it back to the surface alive. Is this  ToneDial's doing?

14:31
The Unfinished TNT. Having left  ToneDial's land behind, I feel a lot safer.

14:32
The formidable Obsidian Palace is the home of  Shintyx — redstone master and pilgrim of the Fishy Gods, avowed Brony and lord of hidden treasure, creator of games and wielder of the banhammer. Despite his demonic appearance, he assures everyone that his character is nothing short of angelic. While I would not go as far as acknowledging this, I have met him and can attest that he seems friendly enough.

14:33
The peninsula of the Central Nexus and Project Angel is expected to become a high traffic area once the portal network goes live. For now, it lies dormant until the Holy Words of the Fishy Gods gain in power through the prayers of their believers. The surroundings of the nexus have attracted builders nevertheless.

14:34
East of the peninsula, a bizarre web of railway lines and dirt scaffolding criss-crosses the sky. It has begun to rain again. Why are They doing this to me?

14:38
As the rain slowly drenches my clothes, I pass the abandoned unfinished village of Liastone, which  Liastrae started a long time ago.

14:40
I have reached GabiTM's Castle, on the edge of yet another frozen wasteland. At least the monsters seem to detest getting cold feet even more than I do and I should be comparatively safe here.

14:42
The inconspicuous looking castle is, in fact, one of  SlowRiot's playgrounds. There is, for example, a cabin that can be made to appear with the flick of a switch, a bit like the House of the Fishy Gods, but using much more powerful Holy Words.

14:42
The canal keeps dragging on and navigating it is tiring, especially in the snow. But the end is in sight now: The lights and the water curtain of Casa de Austria, where I will meet up with  bubba_basti, who will accompany me on the last leg of my journey.

14:48
Bubba has been waiting impatiently at the end of the ice canal for some time. Luckily the snow has stopped and he gets a good shot of me in the canal.

14:49
No more ice canals! Well, there are three more to be exact, but each is only a few metres long so they do not count. Behind the water curtain lies the harbour of Casa de Austria.

I am through!

Casa de Austria has a busy port with numerous ships and even a submarine, and is renowned for its ship building industry. Those suffering form thalassophobia may prefer to visit the aqueduct, the Pigchinko Dome and the construction site of the basilica. We have both visited the town before; and after more than three and a half hours in a tiny boat, I want to finish this voyage as quickly as possible, so we press on without resting here.

Chapter Nine: Homewards

The final battle (what else did you expect here?)

14:50
As we are leaving Casa de Austria, we pass some of its sights. The grey thing extending into the frame from the left is the submarine.

The Pigchinko Dome is by far the most glamourous of Freedonia's Pigchinko arenas.

I do not know anything about this building, but it looks awesome.

14:52
By daylight this castle looks rather shoddy, because large parts of it are made of dirt. We are more concerned about the narrow and winding canal that leads around it. Bubba is still quite new to boating and is experiencing some lag on top of it, which makes the passage very dangerous for him. His boat lightly touches a floating piece of ice. Unfortunately, Minecraft boats are fragile things. It disintegrates and he falls into the icy water. He is a good swimmer, though, and had the foresight to bring several replacement boats. We are soon back on our way.

14:55
The sun has risen, and  bubba_basti is drying his soaked clothes in its warming rays. The open water is much more to his liking and the wilderness flies by as we paddle towards HillValley.

15:02
Finally, the port of HillValley comes into view.

15:03
 bubba_basti is one of the founders of the town. He is very happy to be in familiar waters, right next to one of his early buildings.

15:05
The Palace of the Skull, constructed by  samoroth,  Raggus and  bubba_basti.

15:15
These towers belong to  KaelvonWolfe's home. Last time I visited him, he was working on a vast underground hall under the hill on the left. I would love to see his progress, but he is not at home today, so we follow the buoys through the natural arch without stopping.

15:16
The last tunnel of this voyage is more than a hundred metres long. It is wide and straight, so it poses no difficulty.

15:17
When we reach the other side, it is completely dark. We carefully pass under a bridge of sand and are closing in on a narrow passage, when suddenly we hear the twang of a bow and an arrow lands in the water before us. An ambush!

It is the spider jockey again! He has summoned his army to this bottleneck to finish us once and for all. Both of us are no great fighters, but we are not as unprepared as we might appear to him. We call upon our powerful ally  fmxstick, who responds quickly and teleports to our position.

The skeleton lord and his spider army are no match for the donor powers of this fearless warrior. After dispatching of the spiders, he takes on their master. The battle does not last long, and the once mighty skeleton lord falls under  fmxstick's devastating blows.

We thank our friend for his timely aid, and he takes his leave, since he has pressing business elsewhere. Finally relieved of the ever looming threat, Bubba and I paddle on. I keep wondering what I have done to provoke the skeleton lord's fury, yet I will probably never find out. Was he an ancient foe of the Fishy Gods, whose temple I have constructed? Alas, They do not speak to us. Or did he just hate seafarers for some reason? Was he completely mad and took offense at my yellow hard hat? Whatever his motives, he has passed on. He is no more. He has ceased to be. He has expired and gone to meet his maker. He is a stiff. Bereft of life, he rests in — sorry, I have never had a mortal enemy before and I am still somewhat shaken by this experience.

15:18
Shortly after the demise of my formidable foe, the light returns and we are nearing one of my favourite places in Freedonia: Ocean City.

15:20
 bubba_basti is trying to get a photo of me passing through the gate.

Here it is. That took some time.

The beautiful structures and the tranquility of the place soothe our agitated minds.

15:25
We stay until nightfall and marvel at the elaborate lighting.

15:27
Not far from Ocean City, we pass  Acsidol's wondrous flying glowstone ship. Later I will mark a boat route through his territory, so that everyone can easily enjoy the multitude of amazing ships he has made.

15:30
Shortly afterwards we pass the town of Lumen, which is not directly accessible from the sea. If you would like to visit it, tow your boat at Ocean City and take a minecart (*shudder*) to the StromIsle station. The other local rail line from the main station will take you there.

15:31
I have to navigate one last treacherous passage at the Pavilion of Precipitation, which lies on a peninsula of snow and ice, surrounded on three sides by a slightly warmer biome, in which it never snows but rains.

The passage is marked with blinking glowstone to warn boat captains to slow down, because the ice is hard to see, especially in bad weather. I have been here many times and paddle through with ease.

I pass the Temple of the Heavenly Liquorice...

15:32
...and after four hours and fifteen minutes I am back home. I am a bit disappointed by the welcoming committee that has been awaiting my arrival at the pier.

One last photo, then  bubba_basti and I go to the Temple Of Supreme Fishiness to have a good meal of mushroom soup, cooked porkchops and bread. My muscles are aching and I am stiff from sitting so long. Standing and walking feel a bit awkward at first.

In the next few weeks we will lead a more quiet life. There are several Glen Team projects that require our attention. More boat routes are waiting to be marked. Not to forget my comfortable bed that I have not slept in for so long, and to which I am headed now. I hope that I will dream only of the pleasant parts on this voyage. For now, I have certainly seen enough of those evil skeleton lords and their scurrying spiders.

After some time of well-deserved rest, I might set out on another adventure in my beloved Freedonia, and if I do, I will certainly let you all take take part in it by writing about it on this wiki. And, of course, I would love to read of your travels in this wondrous land. So if you ever do something that might be of the slightest interest to other Freedonians, think of old  nosefish and write about it.

My special thanks go to:

•  bubba_basti, for accompanying me and taking all the screenshots of the last chapter again after he had lost them in a tragic accident.
•  samoroth, for his little cameo.
•  fmxstick, for saving our lives in the final battle.
• The rest of Glen Team and especially  andreydio, for providing a lot of the wool used in the marking of the boat routes.
• You, for having read through all of this.

—  nosefish, September 2011