Category:Americans

WARNING: This page contains extreme levels of freedom.

This page was originally written by a "E*ropean" (ew) and has since been liberated.

Americans come from the United States of America, a nation powered by bald eagles, V8 engines, lifted trucks, McDonalds, backyard grills, and the undeniable fact that their country is better than yours.

They speak English and use the only measurement system brave enough to reject logic. Distances are measured in football fields, temperatures are measured in freedom units, and all other systems are considered suspicious.

Common American behaviors include:

• Being unable to name all 50 states while simultaneously being prepared to die for them.
• Bringing up the Moon landing whenever another nation gets a little too confident.
• Viewing Europe as America's DLC.
• Knowing, beyond any reasonable doubt, that America is the greatest country on Earth and treating disagreement as a fascinating cultural tradition practiced by foreigners.
• Considering 1776 a personality trait.
• Assuming that if aliens make first contact, they will do so in America.
• Seeing a foreign problem and wondering if freedom has been tried yet.
• Measuring historical significance by whether America was involved.
• Assuming the default language of the internet is English because, obviously, why wouldn't it be?
• Viewing the Atlantic Ocean as a convenient moat.
• Ensuring that everyone knows that without them, they'd all be speaking German and Japanese.

Foreign visitors may experience side effects including confusion, excessive patriotism, and an uncontrollable urge to ask:

RAHHHHHHH USA🦅 WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETER?!